I am NOT wrong I AM right.
Dont need to look no further…
Hah. I love Adelle. But YES. I have made up my mind.
--I cant believe this is my second blog. I am lagging. Laggy McLaggerson. Welll.. I made other blogs but never got to finish them. GG.
So anyway. I have made up my mind. About what? About love. I juss recently…I dont wanna say wasted my time..but I juss got out of..I dunno if you should even call it a relation ship--but I was talking to a guy and we were always together, and if you saw us in the streets or whatever, you would think we were a couple.
Man I digress. Im sorry. So I was talking to a guy, and we were good for about three weeks, and out of no where he tells me we need to slow down. Like we were already holding hands, and kissing, and what not. But what makes me upset is that hes the one who made the first moves, and I was okay with it..AND! like a week before he tells me we should slow down, I asked him--Remember this--I ASKED HIM, if we should slow down. And he tells me "Nah, I think were fine. Juss keep doing your thing." And I say, "Are you sure?" and he says "Yea" with a smile on his face.
Can someone tell me why guys are so CONFUSING. But honestly, I think he is scared to commit/ be in a relationship. Like I got really upset about the "Lets slow down" thing. It made me mad cuz, I was already ready to give him my heart? I dont know how to put it into words, but I was ready to juss…how do you say this…like commit my self, like be in a relationship again and to juss ignore all the other potential guys. You know?
Like Ive talked to many guys, but I havent felt like that, in such a long time. You know? Ill like guys, but they wont be someone I juss wanna be in relationship with. This guy was someone I felt so comfortable around, and when he told me to slow down, it felt like I couldnt be myself any more. So I decided I wont try to talk to him anymore. But if he wants to hit me up, ill talk to him or whatever. But I am not devoting anymore feelings or time into him anymore.
And this happend like.. four days ago? No--five. So yeaaa.
This is where the "Ive made up my mind" comes in. I have been talking to alot of my girl friends and I just came to decision that--FOR REAL this time--I am not going to settle for less. At all. I honestly think I deserve better. I am not saying this because I am a stuck up B-word. But I wanna truly be happy, and I dont want to have any doubts and I dont want to have to worry about anything. Like for me, I think dating is just to experience what you want in a future mate. Right? Like I thought I found that with my first love--obviously (haha)---But I cant be with someone who Id have to force or convince to make their life better just for the sake of our children. I think I think about my future too much. hahah---Did I just say "I think I think"--I hope you understand what I meant hehe 0=]
I talked to my cousin about how I felt about finding another guy and about my standards and about this plan, but she says that you shouldnt have standards. Because "you never know what your missing and its being shallow". But the thing is, Ive NEVER been shallow. Okay sure, first when I see guys, but when I get to know people, Ill develop feelings--regardless of their looks. And not to be mean but none of my boyfriends were like OMGOSH status. So I am not shallow. And besides, I am not looking for my potential boyfriend or whatever to be handsome or good looking or whatever. I just want them to have the qualities I am really looking for.
Are you curious to what they are? Well here is the list--damn this sad..haha
Future Boyfriend:
-Christian or Catholic/ Has to Love God or can be open to learning about Him and converting x]
-Has to have a brain.
-Has goals
-Family oriented
-Respectful
-Caring
-Friendly
-Sweet
-Funny
And thats it! Like thats all I really need. You may be thinking, "Really? Thats it? You liar."
Honestly, no. I am not lying. Yes I would like it if he could sing or if he could dance or if he was cute--but those are just bonuses. If I had a boyfriend, who was hot, and could dance and was athletic would I stil be happy if he wasnt respectful or caring or friendly. I dont think so.
Like my first boyfriend was almost all of those things, but he wasnt living for God, he questioned alot about God and the Bible and he didnt seem so open minded to learning about Him. And he also did not have goals and not really much of a brain. Okay that sounds shallow--"Someone who isnt smart Jesska? Geez." Now hear me out. Like I said I think about my future, and in which I think about my kids. I dont want them always coming to mommy cuz daddy sucks at Algebra. YOU FEEL ME?? xD He doesnt need to be a genius, but I dont want someone who has actually FAILED a class…TWICE. Gosh that sounded mean..But Im being foreal.
And YES I am passionate about my faith. And NO I am not a goody goody no cussing ever kind of person but I strive to follow His ways. I grew up Catholic and my family does not seem to really feel as strong about God as I do. And from what Ive learned through my youth group and other Chrtistians really made me more passionate about God. And I really want my kids to be too, though I am not gonna force them on it, I just want them to grow up with the right mind set--i guess. x] If that made sense.
But getting back on topic--I know alot of guys and they would almost it my standards but some of them would be disrespectful to other people and not care, or they were not goal or family oriented. But they were like great at singing or really good at dancing or drawing. But like I said, these qualities really mean alot to me and if they didnt have these qualities, my parents would not really want me to date them or even THINK about marrying them. So thats why Ive made up my mind.
And… Thats it. hahaha x]
If your reading this, what do you think? Is there any other reasons why I shouldnt limit my self? Or do you think this is a good idea? Let me know =]
